Anonymous asked: Yo. idk you or anything, but you are gorgeous. you have gorgeous eyes & hair. & probably a great personality. It would be cool if we could hangout sometime. & im sorry about your mom, she must have been a great woman

You’re great, really. Thanks so much for this. I wish I knew who you were!

Two Years in Heaven

I know that I don’t write as much anymore and I wish I had a good reason as to why. I suppose that I just feel as if I have nothing more that’s worth writing on here and that I’ve said all I can say without sounding repetitive. I have to remember that this is for me and that I am changing every day. My thoughts and feelings change every day and I’m finally willing to accept that. I am changing. I am not the same person I was last year at this time.
I’ve experienced so many more things. Some things are less admirable than others from an outsider’s point of view but I am glad I have experienced new things. My mom did always say that you’ll never know what you want until you know what you don’t want. When she told me this, she was referring to boys and relationships, but this also applies to so much more. I am learning who I am and what I want in life. If you asked me right now what I want to do with the rest of my life I couldn’t tell you. I admit that sometimes this is hard for me, but I need to realize that I am still learning and that it’s okay. I can feel myself growing up but I am also aware that I am not on my own just yet.
Growing up without a mom is so different for me. All of my life I’ve been waiting to be this age, thinking about how great it would be. I didn’t think about what it would be like to be at this age without a mom. I’ve gone through many milestones without her. I just received my license without her here. There’s so many more milestones to come without her by my side and it hurts a lot. She won’t be here to help me get ready for my prom. She won’t be here to witness my first love. She won’t be here to see me graduate. It hurts a lot.
It’s hard to stay grounded without a mom. I’m lacking her voice of reason in tough situations. This being said, I tend to slip up and use teenage instinct which most of the time, I know is wrong. I know that I am immature sometimes and I know that I can be mean. I just wish she was here so that she could tell me what’s right and wrong. She would always know the perfect thing to do or say and it always was the most honorable and respectable thing to do or say. I try to make her proud but I wish that I knew for sure what she wants me to do. Maybe then I wouldn’t mess up so much.
I love my family so much and I hope that everyone will be okay on this day. Two years ago, I lost the most important person in my life. Despite all of the challenges, worries, and depression it has caused me, I am still here. I’m still her standing with my head up high having hope for the future. I am proud of myself and my life thus far. I will have to stay strong for the rest of my life. Strong for my family, strong for my mom, and strong for me.
Rest in peace, mom. I miss and love you more than anyone can imagine. You are forever in my heart.

Anonymous asked: to your mother, a piece of history in this unforgiving world, the same world where she blessed us with this amazing girl. a world so twisted so full of tragedy and lost hope, yet on the horizon there's a beam of light, a melodic note. our life, like a song, going to the tones of our own tune, our own beat. at times we may feel glory, or sweet defeat. life is so odd the way it plays out, when were young were full of well being, then were old, grey and full of doubt. were taught at a young age life is not fair, some are rich some are poor, some understand others may not care. but I just want you to know your mother is always watching with her gentle motherly stare. so live your life how you want with that sara esq flare. Thats the way your mother would want your teenage years to be, so have fun, go play, live free

I know who wrote this.  This is both adorable and beautiful.  Thank you so much for the support. Really, this is amazing.  I greatly appreciate it.

Another Birthday, another reminder of her spirit..

I lay here and think about how it’s my mom’s birthday and realize things. I realize something new about my thoughts every day. I thought about it and I always portray my mom as something perfect. This is not true, she had many serious flaws. Despite this, I always say that I want to be just like her but I never explain myself. It’s because she was perfectly imperfect. She was stubborn, sometimes weird, and sometimes depressed. She was not perfect, but she was so well rounded and interesting that it cancelled her flaws out. Everyone remembers her as the amazing, smart, strong, compelling person who died too young. I want to be known as she once was. Not only do I want to be that, I also crave it and I want people to notice. No one completely understands how much of a deep thinker I really am unless they’ve known me and seen what I’ve been through. I think I stress this so much because I want to be seen as more than just a typical teenage girl, I want to be seen as interesting and helpful. I live to be known as my mom was because someone needs to keep her legacy alive as the voice of reason.

I tried to be a girl who likes to be used. I’m too good for that, there’s a mind under this hat.

When Tragedy Strikes

There are two things you can do.  You can choose to either become a mess, or a better person.  With tragedy, comes experience and potential strength.  You can turn something terrible into something great.  Everyone can.  I wish everyone would accept this and make the effort.  It may not be easy and it may take time, but it’s beyond worth it in the end.

madileebs asked: Hi. You're cute. Missin you already. And I just saw you like 72 hours ago. K. Bye.

Hey.  You’re cuter.  I miss you too! <3 wellbye.

You can know everyone, without actually knowing anyone.